I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
