dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Even my vagina gasped.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
