i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
