just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
