you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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