walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
