Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
