some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
