remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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