so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
