I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
