please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
