Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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