Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
