Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
