Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
