Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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