My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
