Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
