Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
