my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
