Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
