So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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