im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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