We named our party play list daddy issues
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
