i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
