I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I need to align my fucking chakras
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
