she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
