idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
