are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
