Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?

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(910): View more from North Carolina

dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?

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(805): View more from California

Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

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(530): View more from California

He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

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(909): View more from California

If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent

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(708): View more from Illinois

Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.

(773): View more from Illinois

We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?

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(903): View more from Texas

The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.

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