I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
