Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
