If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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