Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
