i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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