hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
