you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
