Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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