conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
