I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
