That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
