Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
