come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
