Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
