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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

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• (518): View more from New York

  you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly

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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?

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• (415): View more from California

  i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..

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• (206): View more from Washington

  "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones

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• (727): View more from Florida

  You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.

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• (510): View more from California

  My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.

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