regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
