We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
