Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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