dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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