The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
