when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
